everyone says im wasting away.
stress, anxiety, guilt, confusion, depression, sadness, anger. moving out, having to rely on myself and be independent. feeling happy but feeling undeserving of the happiness. remorse and regret. getting attached and being pulled apart. loss of love, love of the most important person. loss of trust. emotionally draining and physically. reliant, finding love again. emotions. work, seeing your face. anxious, wonder, hope and disappointment. unable to face you. arguments. lack of understanding on both parties. fear. attachment and torn. coping.

a mix of breaking up, working, facing you, falling in love, starting university, being away from each other, moving out, commitment.
my health and weight has deteriorated.
i know bmi isn't trustworthy, but mine is around 17.9 / 18.3  now. normal weight is 18.5+ i have not been underweight since i was about 13.
i've fallen under 8 stone which, i suppose is nothing too out of the ordinary, i'm sure before college i was around this weight. but now, it feels more unhealthy even though i am the same height.
my clothes don't fit me. "slim is good" has been the saying lately, and i did want to be slimmer. but i didn't deliberately lose weight, and now that i am slimmer, i feel unattractive, unhealthy, thin, breakable, weak. (annoyed my clothes don't fit or flatter me anymore)

went shopping for food for the first time in a month, maybe more. what have i been living off of. nothing. literally, starving. unbothered to feed myself, unbothered to do anything. getting through the day skipping breakfast, skipping lunch, eating snacks and eating one meal as dinner. what am i doing with myself. a few months ago, i was living 3 meals a day, same time every day, no midnight feasting or eating after dinner. i would never skip, and it's always been drummed into me how important it is to eat regularly and at stable times. i would always shout at people who skipped meals or didnt eat properly even if they werent hungry. but now, i don't eat even if i am hungry. im not starving myself deliberately, im just lazy, unbothered. lack of motivation to do anything with myself.

this is changing. going to make an effort to eat properly again. slowly bring in fitness to get my health back on track. immune system is on a low. need to eat more than just 1/5 a day. drink more water again. get back on track with my life. start to catch up on university work.

changing myself? nope. - going back to being who i was. moving on.